same

a second day...
just back from work...
i am still a life...
my mood is still same...
when i just can die....

忧郁症

我......患上忧郁症了吗？

让我解脱吧.....
我真的累了.....

just let me go... please.....

1.16 am.
i agree with what you said...

i am a rebel.
i am not listening to you all.
i am a degenerate.
i am a rubbish.

so please kill me when i sleeping later on!
just let me go... please.....

i should be a robot or a pet !

yes.... i never listen to you all...
what i getting right now was all my choose!!!!
i should be a robot or a pet politely listen to you all!

i am a rebel!

electricity keep break off for my house!
this happening already got a long time till now.
i don't understand why you all can keep like nothing happened.
is this my wrong because i become crazy and anger to this happening??!!!

keep scolding me anger for what??!!
you all never know!
please just try to imagine!!!!
i am using laptop doing assignments!

do you know what is assignments??!!!
assignments means a work you have to put effort and a long time of process to do it!
when i rushing assignments then the electric suddenly break off then all my work lose!
if you are me! you won't be crazy???!!!!
you won't be crazy that is because your all never work a job or project as a process!

and you all never know computer OFF without SHUT DOWN, it will spoiled!!
i have not extra money to repair it do you know!!!!!!!?????

now i have to start from begin again!!!!
do you think i still can do well???!!!
keep working and my time already not enough and get more than more tired, stress, exhausted...
the life is killing me!!!

you all never think about me!!!
do you know what i am thinking now???!!!!
i tell you here!!

i want to die! i want leave to my life!
how many time i think to die before??!! SERIOUSLY !!!

you say i never glow up!!! thinking still like a chill!
AM I??????
some one can please tell me!!!!???
my thinking already older than all who are same age with me!

i am just violent temper!!!! i will lose of control when i fall to anger!
i got eye to see with other people their family!
their family give them support to do every things.
but why i different with them??!!!
i am doing a same things as them!!!
but why??!!! i really not understand!!!!
i know what i was did wrong last time!
but i already know and changed...
Am i wrong???? am i wrong????

you all just want me do what you all like.
you all just want me like a robot listen to all your order.
you all just want me think with you all.





ya...... i am a rebel!
i am not listening to you all!
i am a degenerate!
i am a rubbish!

so......
just let me die!!!!

i will move out!

remember what you just said today!!!
i will move out!!!
just give me three more years!!!
i hate this house!!!

is better let me leave to this world...

i am feeling pressure for recently!
assignments like cannot finish but keep more and more...
cannot finish assignment on time...
cannot did well for my assignment...
have no body can help me...
the pressure made me can't breathing...

how long i never have a good sleep?
how long i never hang out with my friends?
how long i never enjoy in my life?

when i back to home..
see my brother playing game..
sister back from work will also can enjoy in front computer or date with her friends..
only me..
back from college...
do assignments..
back from work..
do assignments..
my family seems like don't know me...
don't know what i am thinking..
what i am doing...

who care me...
if i have a chance, i hope i never appeared... never...
is better let me leave to this world...

any methods for me

finally... i told my mom...
i need a car...
but i just ask her help me to find a car of second hand.
she ask me...
do you think you can support for my self...
i did not answer her...
i don't know whether i can support or not...
my bank account just have RM 3000 above for now...
just working part time and salary only RM 300 around to RM 600 for a mouth...
can i borrow money from back?
or any methods for me or not...

suicide

4am reach to home...
was get wet in the rain again...
for the first time tried to suicide in the rain...
not because of get wet in the rain,
a lot of trouble i am thinking and getting...
tired life, study life, working life,
time, assignments, a lot of inconvenience in my life and etc...
made me cranky!
is thinking better die now and no need think too much...
i really can't support myself any more...