如果可以選擇我的死亡方式，
我希望我死在雨天...
如果可以選擇我的死亡時間，
我希望是現在...

The END

Merry Lonely Christmas~
25/12/2010 4.18 am. The END
i closed the story...

how stress of my life...?

how stress of my life...? a lot of things need to do and prepare...
i am getting pressure in addition...
how to reduce it? and how to manage my time...

same

a second day...
just back from work...
i am still a life...
my mood is still same...
when i just can die....

忧郁症

我......患上忧郁症了吗？

让我解脱吧.....
我真的累了.....

just let me go... please.....

1.16 am.
i agree with what you said...

i am a rebel.
i am not listening to you all.
i am a degenerate.
i am a rubbish.

so please kill me when i sleeping later on!
just let me go... please.....

i should be a robot or a pet !

yes.... i never listen to you all...
what i getting right now was all my choose!!!!
i should be a robot or a pet politely listen to you all!

i am a rebel!

electricity keep break off for my house!
this happening already got a long time till now.
i don't understand why you all can keep like nothing happened.
is this my wrong because i become crazy and anger to this happening??!!!

keep scolding me anger for what??!!
you all never know!
please just try to imagine!!!!
i am using laptop doing assignments!

do you know what is assignments??!!!
assignments means a work you have to put effort and a long time of process to do it!
when i rushing assignments then the electric suddenly break off then all my work lose!
if you are me! you won't be crazy???!!!!
you won't be crazy that is because your all never work a job or project as a process!

and you all never know computer OFF without SHUT DOWN, it will spoiled!!
i have not extra money to repair it do you know!!!!!!!?????

now i have to start from begin again!!!!
do you think i still can do well???!!!
keep working and my time already not enough and get more than more tired, stress, exhausted...
the life is killing me!!!

you all never think about me!!!
do you know what i am thinking now???!!!!
i tell you here!!

i want to die! i want leave to my life!
how many time i think to die before??!! SERIOUSLY !!!

you say i never glow up!!! thinking still like a chill!
AM I??????
some one can please tell me!!!!???
my thinking already older than all who are same age with me!

i am just violent temper!!!! i will lose of control when i fall to anger!
i got eye to see with other people their family!
their family give them support to do every things.
but why i different with them??!!!
i am doing a same things as them!!!
but why??!!! i really not understand!!!!
i know what i was did wrong last time!
but i already know and changed...
Am i wrong???? am i wrong????

you all just want me do what you all like.
you all just want me like a robot listen to all your order.
you all just want me think with you all.





ya...... i am a rebel!
i am not listening to you all!
i am a degenerate!
i am a rubbish!

so......
just let me die!!!!

i will move out!

remember what you just said today!!!
i will move out!!!
just give me three more years!!!
i hate this house!!!

is better let me leave to this world...

i am feeling pressure for recently!
assignments like cannot finish but keep more and more...
cannot finish assignment on time...
cannot did well for my assignment...
have no body can help me...
the pressure made me can't breathing...

how long i never have a good sleep?
how long i never hang out with my friends?
how long i never enjoy in my life?

when i back to home..
see my brother playing game..
sister back from work will also can enjoy in front computer or date with her friends..
only me..
back from college...
do assignments..
back from work..
do assignments..
my family seems like don't know me...
don't know what i am thinking..
what i am doing...

who care me...
if i have a chance, i hope i never appeared... never...
is better let me leave to this world...

any methods for me

finally... i told my mom...
i need a car...
but i just ask her help me to find a car of second hand.
she ask me...
do you think you can support for my self...
i did not answer her...
i don't know whether i can support or not...
my bank account just have RM 3000 above for now...
just working part time and salary only RM 300 around to RM 600 for a mouth...
can i borrow money from back?
or any methods for me or not...

suicide

4am reach to home...
was get wet in the rain again...
for the first time tried to suicide in the rain...
not because of get wet in the rain,
a lot of trouble i am thinking and getting...
tired life, study life, working life,
time, assignments, a lot of inconvenience in my life and etc...
made me cranky!
is thinking better die now and no need think too much...
i really can't support myself any more...

22 yeard old

16 September.
is my 22 years old birthday today!
22 years old...
the time is never wait to me...
get old than older...

my birthday wish for this year is :
- got a car.
- successfully to my study.
- 48 hours per day.
- sleep enough.
- changed a new dslr camera and equipments.
- get a good job for after graduated.
- change my life.
- my hand can get fully recover.
- plenty of money.
- a girl friend?

5 September

8 September 7.20am
i still have not sleep yet since i came back from work just now 4am.
because of rushing a project proposal and not enough time for me and i will have a class later 8am till 4pm.
have no one to believe me study like that so hard..
do not know whether i can support to afternoon later or not.
after school still have to working till midnight.
hope i got 48 hours for a day..

I'm still doing the project proposal right now.
have no idea was maybe too tired.
came to my blog to share a happened to me for the past..

coming soon 16 September is my birthday!
but some of my friends celebrated to me earlier on past of sunday, 5 September.
they are xin mei, wern ee and frederick.
thanks them treated me to had a rich dinner and gave me presents.
thanks xin mei know I'm keep stay up all night and gave me a "present".
and specially thanks to wern ee cause i got a second costly of "present" in my life from her!
a wonderful night we have!

i know xin mei from college but after she was quit from college.. but we still have contact after she quit from college.
after, i know wern ee was introduce from xin mei.
she is a nice girl and don't know why she seem like know about me so fast.
cause I'm a person not easy to know.
I'm trying to know more about her cause i'm not so well to know about her.
felt happy to know her and she know about me so fast.

support her

i do not like to my friends one of one leave to me..

last night was Piggy performed last day at RED ( my working place ).
so sad...
she is one of the singer in live band that i like and support.
she is a nice girl and i learn a lot of thing from her even though we know each other not so long of time but she is as a example i would like to learn.
after she will just perform at some of cafe & lounge in butterworth.
i will going to there to see her perform and keep support her.
hope more people can support her!

**
got some one of my friend care me .
( not saying Piggy lar~ )
thanks to her a lot!
**

my hand

after peeling.. is pain full n itch..

not thing to say...
i also don't know what is the happen to my hand...
whether is too sensitive or infection?
i have no idea to it...
just hope my hand to recover faster...

never forget here

how long i was not to update my blog already..
think to redesign my blog but lazy..
this week is the third week for my semester brake...
is the last week...
but i did not enjoy about it...
cause i keep working...

some time don't know what i would like to say...
some time i got a lot of thing in my heart want to say...
but don't know how to said...
too much of thing want to say...
don't know start say from where...

never mind...
i will try to share in here slowly...
not because i wan to talk with some one..
that is just...
i never forget here is the place to let me vent my mood...

每个人心中 の 那一点事

每个人都有这样的时候，

只想一个人静静地坐着，

将自己的脑袋全部放空，

什么都不去思考，不去想，

只想好好地享受一个人...


也不知道自己是在做些什么，

脑袋似乎累得不想活动了，

只留下潜意识控制你的行动，

没有意识地发呆，

脑海中似乎有着许多的东西，

却在一时间变成了一片空白...


或许是自己真的累了吧，

也不去反抗这样的感觉，

任由它侵蚀着你的感官，

直到自己累得闭上双眼...


这种感觉是心力交瘁吗？

一种无助的感觉涌上心头，

想要找个人好好倾述，

却始终败给了那股惰性，

就算有个明白你的人在你身边，

你依旧选择了沉默的回答，

因为你真的不知道如何开口...


偶尔心情不好时，

一个人静一静其实也蛮不错的，

不必向任何人解释你的一切，

也不必顾虑别人给你的意见，

一个人沉溺在独处的世界里，

不必向谁交待，也不用看谁的脸色...


听着些那自己不知道歌词的歌，

许多感触也会慢慢地浮现，

有伤感，有空虚，

最终却让自己疲惫不堪的心灵，

得到了宣泄的作用...


自己心中的那一点事，终究只有自己能解决...

其实很寂寞..只是习惯了沉默..不想说...

如果时光可以重聚，我不愿在孤单的红尘里独醉。如果流年

不在依旧，我宁愿在孤独的海洋里沉睡..

岁月的长河，匆匆而逝的光阴，多少寂寞呈几番黯然的绽放。惊醒的落叶，没有方向的漂泊，不知何处是终点..

窗外，暗夜里的陨星，散发着针茫般的死光，旋照着颓废的大地。而我，则静静的伫立在这片朦胧的景象中，抬头仰望着那场亘古不变的永恒，然后于一首不断重复的时光禁歌里，再次跌入寂寞的怀抱..

其实很寂寞，只是不想说。习惯了一个人散步，一个人走，纵使四周人潮汹涌，也仅仅是一个人的天空而已..

看云淡风轻，望长空飞雁。总喜欢这样静静的仰望着天空，不论是明媚的春日还是沉沉的秋天。都说一个人的天空很蓝，蓝的有点忧郁，也许，我所享受的，也仅仅是那一抹蓝色的忧郁罢了..

独自行走于醉人的月色下，体会着清风的律动，那模糊的旋律，好似正在演奏着一曲梦幻般的风月，不胜的伤感而又优美。驻足疑望，那柔柔的晚风轻轻的吹，吹过那城市的罅隙，吹过那茂密的森林，同时也吹散了这场多情而孤独的青春..

恋上了寂寞，习惯用文字去抚慰所有的伤痕，总想在文字里找寻过去的种种，但又害怕想起，害怕那些曾经的点滴会成为我今日孤独的见证，所以，我便在“学会遗忘”与“继续记忆”的分界线上，不断的徘徊，最终迷失了自己，亦彷徨了明天..

其实很寂寞，只是不想说，依赖上了黑夜的微笑，聆听着寂寞的倾述，最后，在于一首不断重复的音乐中，把自己埋葬在过去的时光里，留下空壳般的灵魂，继续生活在只有回忆的世界里，不断、轮回…

寂寞的人，渴望着相聚，但是又害怕相聚后的别离，所以，通常寂寞的人都喜欢独来独往..

寂寞的人，喜欢与文字为伍，因为寂寞的时候，陪伴着他们的除了文字还是文字..

寂寞的人，都喜欢听悲伤的音乐，不断的听，因为音乐中的旋律，就是他们感情的诠释..

寂寞的人，从来不会让别人知道他是寂寞的，因为寂寞的人喜欢把快乐带给别人，把悲伤留给自己..

寂寞的人，唱着寂寞的歌，写着寂寞的故事，不是因为他们喜欢寂寞，而是他们早已习惯了寂寞..

寂寞的人，寂寞的心，其实很寂寞，只是不想说..